A Writer's Dream

m/m realism

Chapter 2: Jake's Confession

The tears began to pour and I struggled to breath through my stuffed nose. Jake’s shoulder was going to be drenched but he didn’t seem to mind. He stroked my cheek as the tears fell, whispering sweet words into my ear as he cradled me. What was going on? Why was he acting like this?

He knew that I was gay; I told him after we had been friends for a while. He said he already knew and it didn’t matter to him. We were still friends, he said. But he was straight, or at least I thought he was. He even had a girlfriend, although their relationship had been on the rocks lately. But standing here in his arms, pressed against his bare skin, I couldn’t help but wonder.

My tears began to dry as my thoughts drifted from the thesis meeting to Jake’s unusual behavior. He stroked my cheek a few more times, then loosened his grip on me. He still kept me pinned to the wall, though, and I felt a flash of heat running through my body as he pressed against me, his face only inches from mine.

“Feel better?” he asked in a husky voice.

“Um, yeah,” I whispered. Somehow my voice didn’t seem to be working properly. He was so close I could have kissed him.

When I first met Jake, I had a crush on him but when I found out he had a girlfriend I forced those feelings away. But with him so close, so very, very close, my attraction was coming back in full force. He was so beautiful, with large brown eyes and a chiseled face and body. His chest was on full display and the results of his daily training routine were obvious – he was built. I gulped and hoped he didn’t notice the bulge starting to form in my pants.

His face came closer and he tilted his head as if he were about to kiss me. Then, unexpectedly, his lips fell on mine and he was kissing me. Gently, with lips closed, a sweet and thoughtful kiss with just an edge of hunger to it. As he pulled away, his eyes were locked on mine. My jaw dropped and I knew my surprise was written across my face.

“But- you have a girlfriend,” I said, unable to process the kiss. It was so sweet; no one had ever kissed me like that before. Not that I had a lot of experience, but I’d kissed a couple of guys and it was nothing like this. Those men had felt slimy and cold, but Jake was fire and sweetness.

“Not anymore,” Jake said. “We just broke up. I couldn’t hide my true self anymore.”

“Your true self?”

In my mind I longed for it to be true, for him to be gay so that we could be together, but I knew it couldn’t be. There was no way I was that lucky. But the kiss, and him pressed against me… what other truth could there be?

“I think I’m bisexual,” Jake said, watching my face carefully as if looking for rejection.

I blinked in surprise. Not gay, but bisexual. I didn’t know too much about bisexuals. But it meant that there was a chance he had feelings for me, and combined with the kiss, it was the only rational explanation.

“And,” he continued, “I think I’m attracted to you.”

My cheeks heated and I knew I was bright red. My cock twitched and I knew he felt it this time because he looked down, surprised, then grinned.

“I guess that’s my answer,” he said in that husky voice again.

“Wait,” I said, still unable to believe my luck. “Are you sure? I don’t want to ruin our friendship or anything.”

“Neither do I,” he said seriously. “If you’re not interested-”

“I am,” I assured him. “But this is a big step for you.”

“I’ve been thinking about you for a long time,” he said. “And today, when I heard you were upset about what that bitch of a thesis advisor said, I knew you needed comfort. And I knew I wanted to be the one to give it to you.”

I bit my lip. Flat characters. My thesis advisor’s words rang through my head. Was I a flat character? Was Jake attracted to an illusion or was I someone worthy of his attention?

I disengaged from his arms and walked over to my couch, one of the few uncluttered surfaces.

“She said no one would ever care what happened in my stories, because no one would ever care about such flat characters,” I said, inwardly flinching as the words had the same impact on my pride as they had when she first uttered them.

“She’s an idiot,” Jake said.

“No,” I said. “She’s right. I’ve been thinking about my characters and they are flat, and unrealistic. Too noble, that’s what she said. But I don’t know how to change them.”

“Raise the tension level,” Jake suggested. “Add conflict. Internal or external, conflict always helps to improve a story.”

“What about our story?” I asked. “I don’t want conflict between us. I just want friendship.”

Jake grinned. “Bull,” he said. “You want conflict. That’s why you’re asking me if I’m sure, that’s why you’re pulling away now. You can’t just accept that I care for you, you have to test me.”

“I’m not testing you,” I said.

“Then prove it and kiss me.”

My cheeks flamed again and my cock stirred. The thought of kissing him was irresistible. I remembered my first kiss and how disappointing it was. It didn’t help that the kiss occurred when I was watching my favorite movie, The Fellowship of the Ring, and the idiot had chosen the most important scene to lean over and tongue me: right when an arrow pierces Boromir’s heart. I was so pissed that I never spoke to him again. My second kiss wasn’t much better: I went on a couple of dates with a guy and when he dropped me off at my dorm, he leaned in for a kiss. His tongue had been cold and wet and the experience, like my first kiss, was utterly unappealing.

I had seriously considered whether I was truly gay or not, and wondered if kissing a girl would be more exciting. My father had disowned me when he found out I was gay – after a beating – and I had wondered whether being with girls would get me back in the family. My mother still kept in touch with me and sent me an email a week, but I knew the risk she took doing so. My father was ruthless with both of us and ever since he had kicked me out, his violent tendencies had gotten worse, at least according to mother. I tried to convince her to leave, but she wouldn’t. She often asked me if I was sure I was gay and after my first two kisses I had considered going home and calling myself straight. But I knew deep in my heart that I was gay, and I just had to wait for the right guy to come along.

Jake was the right guy; I knew it. I just wasn’t sure this was the appropriate time or place. Plus, I was terrified that the kiss would be terrible, like my first two kisses, and I would have to turn down Jake and lose our friendship.

Jake gently pushed me against the wall again and cupped my chin in his hands. He was getting his kiss whether I liked it or not and I was a little grateful that I didn’t have to make the decision. His lips pressed upon mine and I hesitantly opened my mouth to him the way I had with the other men. His tongue was inside me in an instant and I stiffened. It was incredible. He was warm, and as his tongue danced with mine I felt sparks igniting throughout my body. I shut my eyes so I could luxuriate in the bizarre sensations and I tried to imitate his movements with my own tongue, eager to give him the same pleasure he was giving me.

One of his legs shifted until it was between mine and my crotch was pressed up hard against his thigh. I moaned into the kiss as the sudden pressure rubbed against my cock and I grew hard. He bit my lip and chased it with little kisses and sucks as I rested my head back against the wall and struggled to make sense of my body. I was hot all over, and my heart was beating erratically. Jake’s mouth moved from mine to nibble my jawbone, inciting new sparks of pleasure as I gasped for breath.

This was what I had imagined a kiss should be like. His hands lowered from my chin to caress my body, slowly moving down my back until they reached my ass. I jumped a little as he squeezed my butt and he laughed, a dark and pleasurable sound.

“You’re everything I imagined,” he whispered.

I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him, trying to put all of my love and excitement into the kiss. He ground his thigh against me and I cried out at the sudden friction against my crotch. It was too much; he was going to make me cum just with a kiss. One of his hands slipped around to the front of my pants and undid the buttons, then shuffled both my pants and my boxers off. I continued to kiss him with my eyes shut, both ignoring and intensely aware of what his hands were doing.

When he had me free, he grasped my cock in his hand and I gasped at the sudden pleasure. He pulled out of the kiss to stare down at me and I looked as well, a little embarrassed to see my cock at full attention, dribbling precum and ready for action.

“Wow,” Jake said. “You’re beautiful.”

I didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t tell him he was beautiful, because I hadn’t seen him yet, but I felt I had to say something. I opened my mouth but no words came out. Then Jake’s hand began moving on me and there was no need for words. He used my precum to slick his hand as he used long, firm strokes along my length before gently massaging my head and finding my slit. I squirmed in his grasp; I wasn’t used to this much pleasure. It was a million times better than masturbating and I had never dreamed that pleasure like this could exist.

Jake dropped to his knees and I moaned as I realized what he was about to do. I wanted him to stop, but I didn’t. I couldn’t stop him, couldn’t stop the pleasure even though I knew we were about to cross a line in our relationship that could never be undone. Once he did this, we were no longer friends. We were something more.

“Tell me if I do this wrong,” Jake said, holding my cock a few inches from his mouth.

I didn’t have the energy or wits to answer him. Then he put my cock in his mouth and my knees nearly gave out. I braced myself on the wall as he licked and sucked the head of my cock while his hand continued stroking me. It was beyond incredible. What I had felt before was nothing compared to this. I shut my eyes and let myself drift in the pleasure but in just a few minutes I knew I wouldn’t last. I tried to warn Jake, but words were beyond me. Everything was beyond me; I existed in a plane of pure pleasure where nothing mattered beyond the moment.

Jake must have felt something, because he backed off my cock a few seconds before a feeling of inevitability passed over me. He stroked me firmly and quickly and with a shout that would surely wake the entire apartment complex, I came. Some of it hit his face but he was far enough away to avoid most of it. The rest was probably on the carpet, I thought idly as my body floated in a warm cocoon. I would worry about that later. Right now, everything was perfect.

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